Unity
by Victoria1127
Summary: Mr. Schue decides that to ensure team unity, Slumber Parties must be had.


For Leslie

"Unity." Mr. Schuester wrote on his famous word-of-the-week white board. Several audible groans were heard throughout the room, and as always, Mr. Schue ignored them. "Unity is what keeps our dreams as a club alive. We are nothing if not bound together by our love of music and the vast expansion of creative expression that keeps our hearts beating as if by some magical other being—"

"Mr. Schue? Could you please make a point? I'm going to vomit." Santana supplied helpfully.

Mr. Schue sighed. He had been planning this speech for hours, but once you lose them, you can't get them back. "Alright. Basically, I need you guys to spend more time with each other outside of school. This week's assignment is to have slumber parties with your fellow club mates. Get to know them, what makes them tick. Get inside their _souls_."

"Hey Santana, I'd like to be inside your soul." Puck winked.

"Hey Puck, I believe you tried to hit things a lot closer than my soul and couldn't reach."

"Guys!" Mr. Schue clapped his hands to maintain order. "Slumber party groups, now!"

"All the girls can come to my house tonight!" Rachel volunteered cheerily.

"Um. I guess me and Kurt can host a man party at our house."

"Kurt can't!" Brittany insisted.

"Why not?"

"He'll be at Rachel's party!" There was some scattered laughter, until the realization hit that yes, she was serious, and no, nobody was objecting.

"Okay, so the girls and Kurt at Rachel's tonight, the boys at Finn's. When we get back to school on Monday, we'll discuss what we've learned."

Rachel's party started playing Truth or Dare not five minutes after everyone had arrived.

"Truth or Dare?" Mercedes challenged Brittany.

"Truth."

"Who is the best kisser in the entire school?"

The girls and Kurt waited with baited breath. "Umm. Probably Suzy Pepper. Her mouth tastes like anger and bad decisions. And she gave me money when I left."

A brief silence. "Truth or Dare, Kurt!" Britt said, giggling.

"Dare."

"Oooooh!" said all the other girls.

"I dare you to…" Santana was whispering something in Brittany's ear. "…put your mouth on Rachel where you wish Puck would put his mouth on you!"

Rachel giggled nervously. "I can't." Kurt replied, unruffled by the dare.

"A dare is a dare, Kurt!" Tina said, bouncing.

"Why not?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Rachel doesn't have a cock."

Squeals erupted loud enough that Rachel's dads had to come in to settle them down. "Fine," Brittany said, "I dare you to make out with me again!"

Kurt sighed laboriously and leaned over to kiss Brittany. It lasted only a few seconds. Brittany whispered, "I love you, baby-hands. One day, you will give birth to our gay babies."

"Truth or Dare, Rachel."

"Truth."

"Rate Mike Chang on a hotness scale of 1-10."

Rachel thought for a moment. "Six."

Gasps all around. "Six, are you mad? He is at LEAST an eight." Kurt was outraged.

"Don't go overboard, Good Ship Lollipop. I've had sex with him. He's a 7 all-around." Santana replied.

"He's Asian…" Quinn considered for a moment. "Is what they say about Asians true? You know…"

"…small package?" Kurt finished for her. Mercedes nudged him.

"Impressive package." Santana grinned.

"He got you a present and not me? No fair?" Brittany pouted. Santana tried to pacify her.

"Well, I might just have higher standards than you all," Rachel said with an air of snobbishness.

"Oh really, cupcake?" Mercedes rolled her eyes. "Who would you consider a ten?"

Rachel's answer was predictable. As she said, "Finn Hudson.", everyone in the room said it with her in unison. Except for Brittany, who said "Orange".

"What? He's really cute…" Rachel tried to make a case for him.

"Finn's my brother and even I rate him a solid 9.5."

"Oh, please. White boy can't dance. I'd give him a five." Mercedes said.

"Even I would give him a 10, Ferrari."

"Mercedes."

"Shaniqua, whatever." Mercedes growled at her.

"I think Artie's a 10." Tina piped up, smiling all goofy.

"Have you tapped that?" Quinn asked.

"Quinn! Artie wouldn't be able to feel you tapping him there, don't be mean!" Brittany scowled.

"Artie can too feel it!" Tina protested. Everyone in the room went "Ohhhhhh!"

"Not like that…" her face got red. "We haven't done it…he masturbates on the phone with me sometimes, though."

"That's nasty." Rachel made a face.

"That's hot!" Kurt looked flushed.

"I like me some Matt Rutherford, y'all!" Mercedes announced. "Nine!"

"Ugh, four." Santana yawned. "Pencil dick. I jacked him off with a magnifying glass and two fingers."

"Hey Kurt?" Rachel turned. "Could you get me some water?"

"Me too!"

"Me too please, Kurt?"

"I'm thirsty too!"

"It was really THAT small."

"What's a magnifying glass?"

"Okay, okay!" Kurt stood. "So that's…four waters and a magnifying glass."

"Make it five waters. One with two straws." Santana replied.

"Okay. Don't have too much fun without me!" he said cheekily, waggling his butt as he left.

It took forever. He ended up getting six waters, because he was getting thirsty too, and then he had to ask Mr. Hiram for a magnifying glass, and then Mr. Leroy had just taken some cookies out of the oven. And so he piled all of this on a big tray and slowly made his way up the stairs. Feet from Rachel's room, he heard more squealing.

"He is SO CUTE."

"He's a 50. On a scale of one to ten."

"I would SO tap that."

"I lied when I said Suzy Pepper was the best kisser. It's him. But I didn't want to admit it…"

"I mean, did you look at his ass?"

"I wonder what he'd be like in the sack. You know he's a virgin."

"Oh, he definitely is."

"I would do the naughtiest things to him if I ever got him alone…"

Kurt busted through the door with the tray, unable to stand it. "Got water and cookies and a magnifying glass! Which stud are we talking about? I was very intrigued."

Nobody said anything. Kurt looked around. "Come on, girls! Don't leave a sister hanging!"

"Wumwer 'alfin 'out you, Kurt!" Brittany said, her mouth filled with seven cookies and one of her eyes looking comically large through the magnifying glass.

"What?"

"We were talking about you, Shirley Temple." Santana rolled her eyes. "God, we should knock a point off for you being stupid."

Kurt laughed hysterically, obviously taking this as a joke. "No, don't take a point off! He's still a ten! Look at his cute laugh!" Quinn said, excited.

"And his hair…" Mercedes twirled a lock around her finger.

"Oh dear!" Kurt said in dismay. "Ladies, let's move on to someone else…PUCK! Puck is a ten, I would say…"

"See, so cute, he calls us 'ladies'!" Rachel chimed in.

"I kissed him and you all didn't!"

"HEY, ARETHA, TRUTH OR DARE?" Santana yelled across the room.

"Dare!"

"I DARE YOU TO KISS KURT!" 

"Okay!" Mercedes moved toward Kurt and kissed him on the mouth.

"Okay you guys, that's enough…"

"Hey Rachel, truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to kiss Kurt!"

And on and on it went. After the third kiss, Kurt said he had to go to the bathroom and locked the door. He didn't come out for hours.

At 3 a.m., Hiram and Leroy got the key to open the door, woke Kurt—who was sleeping in the bathtub, and moved him back into Rachel's room with the rest of the girls. All was forgiven—Kurt even allowed the remaining three girls to kiss him—and they continued to play silly games, do nails and makeup, and talk until the sun came up and they all fell asleep.

Hiram and Leroy checked in on them around noon. Kurt was sprawled out in the middle of the floor, and all the girls were cuddled at his sides. They smirked, and when it was time for everyone to go home, they clapped Kurt on the back and chucked at him, much to his confusion.

"So, Finn, what did you learn at your sleepover?"

"Um…" Finn thought for a moment. "We all like Jackie Chan movies. Mike taught us some cool dance moves. Artie can bench-press his wheelchair. Puck hit on my mom. Matt sucks his thumb."

"I would too if I were him!" Kurt whispered to the girls, all of whom giggled.

"Not exactly what I had in mind, but okay." Schue obviously expected something a little deeper. "Rachel?"

They had all agreed beforehand on the story to tell. "Well, we played truth or dare, we all made out with Kurt, and then we took turns making out with each other, we had a pillow fight, and then we did each other's hair and nails and makeup, and we had some deep conversations but it's all very personal so I can't repeat it." Rachel said, winking at the other girls.

The boys' mouths hung open. Mr. Schue's included. Finally, he said, "See, the point of the assignment was to get to know your teammates better. The girls did that. The guys? Ehh, need some work."

The bell rang. The girls and Kurt all left arm-in-arm, making a chain of unstoppable divas tearing down the halls of William McKinley High School. The guys all watched them leave.

"How does he do it?"

"I don't know, man, but he's good."

"He's definitely got all those girls wrapped around his finger…"

It was decided that the boys would have another slumber party. And this time, Kurt Hummel was definitely invited.


End file.
